prayer of a daughter, granddaughter, friend or love

The sky is quiet and grey over the city and there's a cool breeze in the air this morning.  I'm letting it blow through the open windows. Quiet Flamenco Sketches plays over the sound of the cars as they hum along to Miles on the freeway. I slept in past 9,  much to the cat's dismay, but he is content now that I am alive- having my tea and paging through my bible. The smell of baking sweet potatoes and herbed chicken is making me miss my flour dusted Grandmother this morning. 
I'm going to pray for the empty world in her compassionate absence at church this evening and for the angels beside her that wrap protection around us from their castles of cloud and  lofted pillows of wind. 

I will pray for you, reader, as you wander in the wilderness seeking to find truth through the deceptive trees of earthy desires and wispy fog of  attachment. 
Your mother watches over you and guides you now as ever- though now she is ethereal and pixelated in the eye of your mind. I will pray that your heart realizes where your home is and that your feet  find their path to it. No matter in the mossy country or dusty city or in the fragrance of paradise-  look for my light in your night and know that God draws you near. 

For JAH&VEV

crucifixion of joy

So many things hang heavy on my mind this morning-

In the hours of lost breath and sadness

thoughts are not immaterial or weightless.

They are weighted like lures

Deep below the water

And sleep is not heavy. 

Is my breath wasted in this metal trap? 

At this hour of sorrow what could assure my dreams?

When love is dancing and evaporating into the mist of morning 

I am enveloped in its absence and

I gasp to keep my lungs inflated 

Despite their fragility.

The air is lucid and conducive for sleeping, 

Awake yet, i struggle transcend grieving 

Praying for the clarity 

And rest for my love 

Not yet at peace in the pieces of the cross. 

So many things hang heavy on my dreams 

And still...

Rest will come after the passage of mourning, 

Though nailed forever to the walls of my heart.

Goodness & Light

I like music but I can’t dance

And I can’t sing

I like lights because I am one

And I can shine

I like you but I can’t pretend

And I won’t lie

The sound of the shade is dark

To me

And I can’t sleep on that side

For long

Before I’m tired and dim

The designs of the smoke look pretty to some

The signs of the ending look pretty to some

Oh, I’m waiting for the morning

Hoping I look pretty

To you

That's when you show the most

To me
Do you see what I see?

alive

I was five I was five

She brushed my long hair

She was alive

Blonde and knotted

Oh, what she was allotted

She took that and combed it too

She got through

She played that hand

She was dealt

And she was always dealing

With the lies with the lies

She stayed alive

I got through too

Blonde in waves and knots

We loved what we got

Together we held hands

And she sang an old song

We always got along

Though he lied though he lied

She held me tight

Though I misbehaved

I didn’t care I didn’t care

She held me tight

Through the country nights

She was alive and she held me tight

The crickets and the mice

She sang me to sleep

Though I misbehaved

I was five I was five

I wish she was alive

 

the ships we build to sail to the stars

we were born to sail
though i know not all are
i know that we were
when the sun splits the clouds
above the waters
we know the Guide still shines on us
and what glistens upon the waves
disperses our doubt
and we continue our task
When the stars spit and spark
above the ether
we know the Guide still shines on us
and what tears the darkness
disprses our weakness
and we continue our prayer
we build these ships
we are sucessful
our ascention is impending
as we bulid and pray
as our mother leads the way
into the crystalline sky
we build our vessels to meet her
by her, the lord is worshipped
by her we are guided
into the cystalline waters
above and below
there is no separation
the water and sky are one matter
her prayer and our hands are one matter
when she has sailed
we will build our ships
the breath on her lips
sings us home


"according to ancient Chinese Thinking the Heavenly bodies represent the quintessesnce of sublimated matter acending and crystalizing into stars" Heavenly Anscestor

Dedicated to BJC

Makeup with yourself

Makeup with yourself, girl

Breakup with your love, girl

You are bare now 

Alone now

Now,

Do you love yourself, girl? 

Makeup on your eyes, babe 

Break up that disguise, babe

It feels unfair now 

Uncontrolled now 

Now, 

who really loves you, babe? 

Make it up- you're just fine, right?

Break it up, feisty 

But it feels like a fight now 

Like it can't be made right now 

Who do you love now? 

You packed up your things, girl

He jacked up your heart, girl

Nothing is as it was now

Your heart awoke  in a new time 

Where will it live now? 

Who will you forgive now?