runnin & gunnin. it's nuthin.

so now we think we are evolved.
running on two feet
sophisticated & polished paws-
don't forget, we're fresh meat.
treading mills beneath our soles
burn away what kept us warm.
sophisticated and polished souls,
forgetting things that kept us warm.

locked and loaded words and news
running running story lines,
running running out of time.
sophisticated, polished and confused.

so now we think we run this place,
pulling triggers all the time.
changing features & keeping face,
educatd on reason & rhyme.
treading days like water holes
passing time and making names-
such sophisicated, polished goals...
hollow dreams and shallow graves.

running running on two feet,
So now we think we are refined.
running running story lines
with sophisticated, polished jaws.
so now we think we have it all.

final call for wisdom

I die by each moment that drops
Drip dropping ageless and masterful
What women can counsel the way that flesh and blood can?
Tender fingers weave generations and braided strands
Braids and breads
Hearts and degrees
We survive on yeast & trust
Recipes or trust funds
Timelessness gifts us commandments and medicine
Memories and wastefulness if we choose
Wastelands and storybooks
We think we know our footing
We think we know it all
Years weep drops of wisdom
The Heart can treasure it
But can never contain it
For we love without tradition
And think without comprehension

who are these souls we choose to be?
As our beloved slip away from us
We see their dimming eyes go out
But their eternal lights never go out
Ageless and masterful
They always light the way for us
Through love and life and death
My spirit reflects their legacy
Remind me of who I'm supposed to be
Through love and life and death
I hold their candles diligently
Should they leave me with money or lessons
Should they leave me unwilling to let them go
They can not leave me now
They can not leave me now...

grandmother (wilderness)

we let the last candle burn down tonight
it's so dark outside, we need just a little light
i remember when this time of night was early
and you were barefoot and flour dusted in the kitchen 
time was just the clock on the stove
troubles were drowned in cinnamon and clove
i don't know why God let you get this old

we let the years burn down tonight
it's so dark outside, the angels provide a little light
I remember when this time of life seemed early
when i was a child and made believe 
It seems I've grown so far away 
these roots became my only knowing 
how will i face my troubles so far from home?
without the comforts of cinnamon and clove
I don't know why God let me get this old
from out here i see your candle glowing
leave your chores and be with me
rest in my branches, grandmother tree 
the angels will be our saving light 

to the fool that broke my boyfriend's heart

You were long before me
Yeah, i know it's been a while.
i know...
you're just yesterday's deceptive smile.
just like laundry, you're a dirty pile
and I'm sorting through your pockets.
through the echo of your linty shouts,
through the residue of your lies-
and i'm onto you.
i'm airing you out.

the letter of the law can't protect you here,
my jurisdiction is vast and fair, my dear.
if you were true, there's nothing to fear
but i've seen your mean mug on that shot
like smoke you snaked from getting caught-
but here's my little six shoe to your face...
i'm the lesson you were never taught.

there are things he never told you.
like how he lost faith in and resented you,
That he wanted to breathe apart from you-
the way that fish from water struggle,
the way that Faustus consorted with the devil.
but the deepest layers of this man's eternity
are now unfolding caverns beneath you.

you can pretend I'm not inside your head,
pretend that you are blameless instead.
but those things you did
all those things you said
They've been recorded on ancient scrolls.
despite your regret, a redemption bell tolls.
i can see the pay back
waiting your other side
that karmic force won't let you hide-
and i won't even have to leave my bed. 

yeah, i suppose you never broke his heart,
you just ripped his trust apart.
But you got taken out in cuffs
So i'll just keep calling all your bluffs,
you poor fool...
you should have let his heart go free.
you shouldn't have crossed the one for me.
all that is good will come for you.
all that is good will come from out of my blue.
and if we feel so moved...
Just maybe we will pray for you.

snowmen, a good omen

If you could know the future, would you be down for it?
If that chair was there would you sit down for it (again)?
I wouldn't ruin those surprises, if I could know them.
If I was clairvoyant I would stand there (again).
If you had to fight and I had to cry all over again, would we?
Even if it meant we had to slight and try again?
I would.
For the sake of tea and dead books
For lips and eyes and being home
For when I share my bed with two cats I can only smile for the sake of those cat naps
So what- the snow came upon us unexpectedly?
So what- the glow came upon us unexpectedly?
I wouldn't want to guess it
(for once)
I wouldn't want to mess it
(Up with my clarity)
I'd rather see it snowing
Not knowing
All there is about snowmen.
Just glowing
in the hope of this good omen.

In my garden I grow heaven

In a land where greening hills are clothed
in swaying herbs and wild ivy
I run fleshed-footed and flush-faced
Soft and full of love
grandmothers ribbons
Adorn my playing arms and untamed hair
I run wide-eyed and open minded there
Across the crossroads
of a gentler planet
Foot souls rooted to the ground
Palms reaching solely for heaven
Four palms and seasons of plenty and rest
Bring your brimming eyes
to the ceiling of the skies
Draped in dewy stars
guarded by azure giants
You will be celestial and silver-lined
Muddy-kneed you can crawl
To the middle-earthen core of
Mosaics of memories covered in moss and weeds
All is soft and full of love
beneath our feet

Nothing Deeper

I watched the waves one night
On that lonely coast
When I was broken
Like the glass in the sand
And that sunset was the last stand
Between me and what laid ahead
But I lost my face to the fight
and I faded away into the night instead
And there was nothing darker

I wept in a snow bank one night
In that haunting forest
When I was frozen
Like the time that trapped me there
When the clocks stopped ticking
And I didn't know what day it was
So I lost my warmth to the twilight
Fading away into the chill
And there was nothing colder

I woke up in the sun this morning
In a pool of golden light
I thought I was dreaming
But there was nothing deeper.

aligning

the stars hang a little closer to earth tonight
the moon sings a gentler lullaby, everything's alright
and tomorrow the sun is going to rise up extra bright
i'm flying through spaces of dark and light
he catches glimpses
and searches for me
rockets and comets feel the change descending
constellations and heavenly bodies are ascending
i am glowing
and heaven feels it
feet rooted to the ground, hands lift to the sky
My strength has be found, lifted so me high
the stars align back around, back to my first try
I am growing
and heaven can feel it
lost then found, the stars came back around

in the rushed sunset of withering summer

She sits and watches the last of sunset
Hopes to find her reflection in the blushing sky
When did the red rush in?
How can she slow it down?
The sky, patchwork like the cat in her favorite book
Gorgeous and purring
When did she stop reading that story?
It's been in broken boxes
With the poems of broken hearts
Patchwork dreams and pieces of Christmastime
She sits unwithered in the withering hues of the ripened season
She finds her reflection in the eyes of a warrior
When did sun start to dip?
How can she slow it down?
The patchwork of her youth and catty loves
Dip away, Leaving her
Gorgeous and purring
She takes her rushed heart out of the broken boxes

Transmitter, Receptor.

It's not just all in my head.
We could float in the same space
For a lifetime.
So close we could touch,
So close we could laugh-
For a while.
We could float along
But we could never bond.
I could tie my arms,
You could hide your legs
But the fit would always be wrong.
Mixed signals...
Fragmented sequences...
Deteriorated communication...
leads to chemical imbalance
And broken hearts.
Two wrong shapes can share space
But always be apart.

body language

I am somewhere inside the flame of a lakeside campfire
Swaying and burning beneath the stars
I am moving toward the center, glowing brighter
Cracking and sparking beside the water
And I am brighter than the night
Flooding into the deepest pockets
My eyes are spotlights shining
Into the shadowed unknown
Blue and lucid
I am the reflection of the comets
That tail streaking light across the smile of the moon
A child of the northern guide
I grace the lost with illumination
When the shadows steal their vision
A camp, the North Star, my fingers
I am somewhere
Between the light of dawn
And the turbidity of midnight
Swaying and burning beneath the Great

unrequited fool

here she is
again
terrified and ragged.
but now,
she's not at your door
not under your sheets
not under your skin
she's shedding
she's gone
onto the machine
into the gears
again
she's a shaken doll
missing a few buttons
missing a few hairs
missing you.
but now,
you let her go
you let her cry
you just let her.
you think she'll beg
again
unkept and hollow.
but now,
she's emptier than that
a vase without flowers
a doll without hair
unrequited
again
and now she's just a fool.

write me right

you wrote me a note
on notebook paper
I was fourteen
and i read it one hundred times

you wrote me a letter
on plain paper
(a little tattered)
you told me I mattered
to you
I was seventeen
and I kept it for five years

you wrote me an explanation
on a computer screen
we didn’t know what it would mean
two thousand miles apart
eight years ago
I tried to delete it one time

you wrote me a note
folded over six times
while I was lost in the woods
I read it every day
two years ago
and you said it was always me
and I wanted it to be

you wrote me poems
more than i could count
and you stole my breath
and my heart skipped beats
too many times to count

one day
your writing was done
in one moment gone
and words were just words
and you wrote me off
and i wrote you goodbye
and we were once upon a time

if you write me again
i’ll read it
probably a hundred times
and i’ll lose sleep again
two hours of sleep
to read what you write
because even if we’re wrong
you can always write me right

keeping face

a rushing heat sweeps across my feet
a blush in my cheeks
and i'm a fool again
a blushing beat sweeps my cheek
a rush in my heart
and i'm a fool again
try to not to laugh
i know i've lost my face.
try not to look
i know i've lost some sleep.

by the way

there is a way to life.
moving on and on without us
while we do our living
and when we do our dying.
it can move inside us
if we allow the way of life.

if i stop caring,
will i stop living-
or will i just begin?
if i stop interfering
will the way carry me?

the way of give and take
moves along inside us.
while we are beginning
and then while we are dying-
will it carry us?
i just want to be safe.


the way i know is tireless.
until i understand,
i will stop searching.

i could have gone anywhere but i stayed here for you

november was a blur.
i was sad and lost
and you made it so.
i slept in my own tail
and you slept alone
sleep-talking to her-
i wish i could remember
what made me this frail.
leaking out of my lungs.
then i wanted you to go.

in december, you were smoking.
i was sad and lost
when you stopped joking.
i woke up in your second-hand
and you slept alone.
so i talked to him
while i was awake.
i wish i could remember
what destroyed our home
and why i wanted you to go.

january iced over.
i found myself
and begged you not to be lost.
now we both sleep alone.
maybe you still sleep- talk her,
and maybe i still care. so?
i wish i could remember myself.
when i said "go",
you made it so.

blurring. smoking. ending.
i'm still chasing you.
and you say i don't like to travel.

out like a lamb

so here i am.
downward like a dog,
aloof like a cat.
i'll look your way
if you toss me a bone.
it's the only way i can-
quiet and alone.

no rebellious chickens here,
just herbs and teas.
a fox in her den
with a piece of fish,
a cornish hen.
no rebellious qi here-
but nobody can be here.

i tore in like a lion.
bloodied teeth,
jagged claws.
and those cages held me
like a bird-
until i met my strength.
downward like a dog.

it's the only way i can-
because i know who i am.
i'm out.
like a lamb.

always. sometimes. never.

a little too dramatic
self-assured around to centered
and walking walking walking
centered in that circle
a little too problematic
it all spins around, around
and you swear it's you
that's moving
but you're just hanging on
but you are still hanging on
always.

a little too turned around
to turn around just yet
coming through the clouds
stretching yawning waking
awakening in the same bed
a little too cloudy
it all hangs around you
and you swear it's you
that's hanging around
but you're leaving
sometimes.

a little too caught up
to catch up right now
the finish line approaching
and running running running
through the line up to catch up
running instead of sleeping
and you swear it's continuous
but it it isn't
and you swear you're behind
but you aren't yet
never stop running
and you know i won't
never.

blessed and kept

his hand rested on my head
i was tiny and calm
he read me stories before bed
i was seven and sleepy
and he asked the lord
to bless me
and keep me
to shine upon me
like my name means
now i'm sad and scared
and almost thirty, instead
and before bed i'm crying
like i deserve to
and i pray for a hand upon my head
to feel blessed
to feel kept

"The Lord bless you and keep you
The Lord make His face shine on you
and be gracious to you
The Lord turn His face toward you
and give you peace."
Numbers 6: 24-26

lonely city

it's so cold out there.
it's so cold i don't care.
he's gone and forgot his mittens.
he's gone and i let him.
but i blossom with security,
and he thrives on uncertainty
are we finally going to be safe?
are we making another mistake?
the black and white and gray:
an eternal struggle to go or stay.